How to let it go…


I wrote about how ‘hurt people, hurt people‘ but it recently hit me that it’s ‘Hurt that turns into Hate‘! It’s something we allow to happen, something totally within our power to not let happen. I thought about it and what I realized was that we let Hurt turn into Hate because the feeling of ‘Hurt’ is very painful to endure and to replace it with ‘Hate’ is a lot easier for us to handle and more comfortable – deceitfully so. The fact is, Hurt and Hate are 2 totally different emotions and we shouldn’t replace the former with the latter just to avoid the pain. What we’re doing is exchanging a short period of intense discomfort for a deep seated, long term, cancerous emotion that will cause adverse effects that we never bargained for. Hurt is a feeling that is in the ‘now’, Hate is a feeling you hide, bury and carry with you. The truth is, if you feel the hurt, however bad it is, acknowledge the fact that someone hurt you and you are indeed hurt, let it hurt and let it out of your system – it’ll heal itself. This conscious process will free you of the pain and the whole event that caused you to hurt. It’s a small price to pay to be rid of it and clear your whole system of it for good.

Most of us don’t do that, most of us didn’t know this is what we needed to do… I’ve unknowingly held on to a lot of hurt in the form of hate. I didn’t even know I hated anyone but later realized that I did hold a lot of grudges against various people who’ve hurt me. And it’s not just people, sometimes circumstances or certain events hurt us and we harden our hearts immediately so as to avoid the pain at that time but years later it’s still with us inside… if we could only see what it has silently been responsible for, we would expel it immediately and not let it sabotage another day of our lives.

I’ve begun to re-live the events that hurt me, in my mind, fully feel the intensity of my feelings of hurt and then understand, forgive, accept and let go. When you do this you really make peace with whatever or whoever caused you pain and you are free of the negative feelings you’ve been harbouring. Now when you think of that person or that event – you no longer feel the anger, pain or discomfort… you simply feel free. I’ve noticed after doing this I feel so free from it allΒ  that I can even feel love for the person who hurt me cos I’ve forgiven them and it has no bearing on me. I actually made a list of people who’ve hurt me, painful events I hold on to, things I’ve done for which I feel guilt or shame and at present am working on clearing out all the negative feelings that poison my mind.

It’s also important to forgive yourself for the things you hate yourself for having done. Sometimes we hold on to stuff like that too – guilt, shame, self hate – that could be the most damaging stuff of all. Facing these feelings and clearing them out of your mind is a great favour you can do yourself.

Feel the emotion, painful as it is, cry if you have to and get it out of your system – don’t let Hurt turn into Hate – you’re only prolonging the suffering and cluttering up your mind. Believe me, you’ll feel so light and free – your life will improve in leaps and bounds.

To hurt is to be true to yourself and your feelings, to hate is to deny yourself and your true feelings. Hurt doesn’t have anything to do with hate really… think about it.. they’re totally different emotions. One is vulnerable and the other seemingly more powerful. One is short lived and the other can exist and pollute your mind throughout your life. One can only be replaced by the other – if you let it!


~ by Dilruha on May 11, 2009.

2 Responses to “How to let it go…”

  1. I have a feeling I’m getting there.. coz the hurt is easing a little but I’m beginning to feel certain amount of anger towards the person who hurt me…..

    good post.. thought provoking… and thanks!

  2. When you’re pushed over the edge of HATE, you learn to forgive yourself and learn to let it go πŸ™‚

    “Sometimes we hold on to stuff like that too – guilt, shame, self hate – that could be the most damaging stuff of all” – can relate so much to it.. im still trying if it would work out at the end atleast..

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